a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
