we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
