between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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