Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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