I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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