What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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