my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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