apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
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A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize