Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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