I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my sisters under your porch take her home
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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