A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
