I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
