Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
