Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
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My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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