i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
