Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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