remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize