It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.