it was like his penis was on wheels.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
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she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake