Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.