forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
