uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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