so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize