Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
