meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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