Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
