Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just had sex on a roof
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
