I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
