Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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