how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
