At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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