Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
