It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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