I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
