I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
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drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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