at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
