Who wears a wallet chain?!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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