sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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