My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize