I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
