Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Are my feet made of real feet?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
