I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
