Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
