is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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