New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
