Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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