now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
