I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
