people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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