i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
