but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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