maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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