look no pants
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
wow bdsm is so cute
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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