You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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