every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just blew my weed a kiss
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
