He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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