i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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