so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
