Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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