Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
