Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
