so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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