you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
