can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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