Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
