I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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