I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
