I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
